The Road to Nowhere

Hello to the losers who still read this. I just want to say I had absolutely no social interaction this past weekend and it was very nice. I had to spend the entire weekend working but I couldn’t bear to make conversation and get dressed up. Also, I don’t really have friends in the great pit of San Fran. Before I began my two-day weekend work binge, I stopped at my neighborhood bar, Aliment, after I got home from Charlotte on Friday night. Side note – I went to Charlotte for work and went to one bar and managed to run into every single freaking person I’ve ever met. And for that reason, I don’t live in Charlotte. Anyway (I originally typed “anyhoo” but swiftly remembered I hate people who say that), I arrived at Aliment, put in my headphones to watch Bravo on my phone, and ordered a plain cheeseburger and a Cosmo. I obviously needed Madame’s Medicine to recover from the hours of small-talk to which I subjected myself in Charlotte. Usually, I can tell a bad Cosmo if it’s a deep red. Then it’s practically a cranberry vodka from an open bar at a Bat Mitzvah. This Cosmo was a bit lighter than usual. I was discouraged, because I was craving my perfect Cosmo pink, but it actually was pretty good. I complimented the bartender and said I was originally skeptical, but I was pleased with the outcome. He asked to pose for a picture for my blog. I actually just went there again tonight and his bartender in training made me a fabulous Cosmo. I think we're all going to be great friends. 

Jose all day <3 

After working nearly twelve hours on Saturday, Cooper and I went to the Alamo Draft House theater, which is my new standard for movie theaters. It comes complete with a full wait staff, cocktail list, and glorious restaurant menu. It is absolute perfection. Prior to the film, we went to the bar inside of the theater, Bear vs. Bull. What a haunting reminder of the financial world in which I currently work. To my dismay, they did not have any cranberry juice so I could not order a Cosmo. Instead, I ordered a spicy margarita. Unfortunately, it was not the same spicy margarita that Tom Sandoval flaunted on this week’s episode of Vanderpump Rules. Although, I do plan to try it when Tom Tom opens in a few months. I think it’s mescal and some chili. Sounds good to me.

My spicy margarita had a lovely chili lime salted rim and came complete with Bird’s eye chili and everclear bitters. I felt the burn and I crave the burn. On my way out, the bartender suggested I order the “Daisy Cosmo” while I’m in the theater. It does not come with cranberry juice, but he promised I’d love it. Oh, I should mention we went to see Thoroughbreds. I thought it was pretty damn good. Nowadays, I just compare everything to The Shape of Water so I’m really not the toughest critic. We sat down and I ordered the Daisy Cosmo and Cooper ordered fried pickles. Disgusting. I do not understand how people like pickles. They smell foul, they look weird, and they taste like ass. I was having a mini stroke about the fact that I’d have to sit next to pickle breath for the next two hours, but my Daisy Cosmo arrived and it was sublime. I want to marry this bartender.

Poor image quality due to dark theater. High drink quality due to bartender.

So, Vanderpump last week. Jeremy Madix got a lot of heat. I can’t comment on whether or not he’s creepy because I’ve only met him briefly when I was at SUR in August. Jeremy did an amazing job of removing this lady who tried to bang down the door from the restaurant to the lounge.

Regardless, I don’t think Tom should have gone postal. Vanderpump this week. Ugh. If my boyfriend treated me like a skid mark and then bought coffee and treats for his hot reiki healer I would pull a Stassi and do the following to my man:

TBT to Stassi sharing her thoughts on Kristen

It’s getting hard to watch Jax and Brittany. I wish I could speak to her other than the few words we once exchanged on Twitter.

THIRSTY

Also, I think the Divorce Closet is a lucrative idea in terms of market share, but also rude. I just Googled Divorce Closet and it doesn’t seem to have gained any traction, however. I do wish Scheana would stop bringing up marriage to Rob. It’s slightly nauseating. I also cringed when Jax told Brittany, “Friends don’t pay the bills.” Okay, psycho. Who does that? Jax is very detached from reality. The best part of the episode was Lala taking Jax to town. I live for Lala.  

Whatever. I cleaned my entire apartment today and it’s truly a miracle. My boyfriend is the world’s biggest slob. He’s lucky he’s hot. I’m currently re-watching Season 4 of Southern Charm. I cannot wait for the new season in just over two weeks. Thank the good lord Landon is no longer. I really couldn’t stand her. Oops, did I say that? Also, I am very relieved that Craig and Naomi have called it quits. In my opinion, if you need to go to a relationship therapist after a few years, it is truly not going to work out in the long run. I do wish I could go to a relationship hypnotist so Cooper would stop leaving Chinese food everywhere. But such is life.

Seeeee ya.